I Do Not Understand...

"I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate"  Romans 7.15

Wednesday, July 1st

Good morning.  It is a new month.  We have started the second half of 2020.  I wonder what lies ahead for us in this part of the year. 

Our reading this morning is from Romans 7.15-25

“I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing that I hate.”  There are lots of things written by the apostle Paul that I do not understand.  Lots and lots of complex sentences that I have to spend some time with trying to decipher – including in this reading.  Yet I can relate to this first verse. 

I believe most of us can.  We make a resolution that this year is going to be different.  Or this month I’m going to start a new habit.  Or this day I’m not going to let “so and so” affect me.  And then it happens.  We break the resolution.  We fail to start a new habit.  That person says something and it ticks us off. 

It reminds me of when our children were much younger.  We would be cooking and we would say the stove is hot, don’t touch.  And before long their hand would move towards the stove almost as if to see if we really meant it.  They knew they shouldn’t touch it, but was ready to do it.  That’s the case for all of us with those “hot stoves” that lead to so many disappointments or frustrations or broken relationships in our own lives.  The gap between willing and doing is a universal phenomenon. 

“I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing that I hate.”  From there Paul goes on to say that it really isn’t me, but sin that dwells in me that does it (verse 17).  I’m not so quick to let myself off the hook with that.  It is far too easy for me to not take responsibility for my own actions when I do that. 

My colleague in Westby - Paul Jordahl – when I first started as a pastor helped me understand this a bit differently.  We tend to think of sin as a bad mistake that we might make.  Rather than thinking of sin as an individual act or as individual things that we do or that we fail to do – he taught me to think of sin as a power or a force to be reckoned with or that which goes against God. 

Maybe like an addiction.  At the beginning of the addiction, the person freely chooses to ingest the addicting substance, but soon that substance controls the individual.  Their life becomes dominated by seeking the next drink or the next fix or the next whatever it is.  And in that way the person has both bought into the addiction at one level, while being overwhelmed by it at another.  And so it is the addiction that is in charge.  Or to use Paul’s words: "it is the sin that dwells within me" that is in charge.

And so in this case, sin is the big “I.”  I want what I want, when I want it.  We do that as infants.  We become addicted to wanting what we want before we have even chosen it, and by the time we are old enough to realize what we are doing, that power controls us.  And so we spend our life fighting against it. 

I do not understand my own actions.  I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing that I hate. 

Now I should also say that is not always the case.  There are times when I do exactly what I want to do.  And there are times when I am thankful for what I do.  And when I do what I want, I give thanks to God, because I know that is the Spirit of God at work in my life. 

And that’s where Paul ends this reading:  Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

Let’s pray:  Creator God, each day we face thousands of little decisions, and some that aren’t so little.  Sometimes it is clear the path we are take.  Other days the path seems rather muddy.  Or we go to down the wrong path and we curse ourselves for doing so.  Thank you for grace; your compassion and mercy for us.  Help us to stand against everything that goes against you.  We know that we do things that without fully knowing your will.  And we know that will have to live with the results.  We hope you can too.  Give us the wisdom we need, the confidence to decide, and the courage to act.  In Jesus’ name.  Amen. 

People of hope, thank you for this morning.  Know that even if today is not okay and even if tomorrow is not okay, all will be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things will be well; because you are held in God’s loving arms, and nothing can separate you from that love.  Be well.